And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
