p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
