If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
