dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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