It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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