where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
