You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize
