"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
