I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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