I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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