He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
