She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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