but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
