I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
