I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
