Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
