Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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