I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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