we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
