i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You're like the curious george of whores
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
