I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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