so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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