apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
