Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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