im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
