Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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