i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
