i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
