just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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