I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
