I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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