There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
