My hand turned me down
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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