Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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