eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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