Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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