Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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