i would punch a child for taco bell
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
