Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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