But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
