im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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