if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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