I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
