You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Houston, we have a blender
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
