Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
