the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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