yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
