That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
