It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
