i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
